Batty

Behold! Your new lord and savior. He stares at the world, radiating weaponized innocence while clearly plotting the downfall of your productivity. He instantly transforms any surface from boring to "I have lore, but you have to ask nicely."

• Eyes - illegally large, illegally sparkly, illegally capable of inducing guilt in hardened criminals
• Ears - the size of a satellite dish so he can hear your blasphemy and eye rolling from across the room 
• Fangs - so comically small they couldn’t puncture a juice box yet still manage to be the most dangerous thing you commit to this year
• Waterproof vinyl - survives holy water, iced coffee spills, and breakdowns in the Target parking lot 
• Approximately 2 inches of concentrated chaos gremlin energy - small enough to look innocent, large enough to haunt your dashboard forever

This starry-eyed creature of the night perfectly communicates: I read dark academia fanfic, drink cold brew like it’s blood, and cry when the moon is pretty. Great for the MacBook you pretend is for "digital art", the Stanley you pretend is ironic, the window of the car that definitely isn’t your mom’s, or the mirror you avoid eye contact with.

You're a darksider with excellent taste, but we both know you’ll be asleep by 10pm anyways.