Not In A Row

Please give a warm welcome to the new patron saint of hot messes: a sassy little duck who looked at the phrase “get your ducks in a row," flipped it the bird(well, wing), and waddled off to live it’s best chaotic life. He’s seen your to-do list. He knows it hasn’t changed in the last 6 months. He approves.

• Zero ducks given - professionally printed side-eye strong enough to make your boss reconsider that 9am meeting
• Waterproof - survives a dip in the pond, tears, and the occasional regret shower
• Scratch resistant - Laughs in the face of keys, cats, and your last functioning brain cell
• Approximately 2 inches of concentrated chaos - The legally allowed maximum of sarcasm per square inch
• Peel and stick therapy - Cheaper than a counselor and twice as honest about your life choices

It’s the perfect embodiment of when someone asks you how your five-year plan is going and you answer "bold of you to assume I have a five-day plan." Stick this adorable feathered menace on the laptop that’s being held together with hope and three other stickers, the water bottle that’s 40% backwash, or anywhere you need to announce “Yes, I’m aware everything’s on fire. The duck told me it’s fine."

Your ducks aren’t in a row. Your ducks are playing hide-and-seek and winning. Deal with it.