Run Away

Congratulations on discovering the official mascot of your social life: the “Why Does Everyone Run Away From Me?” specter – because nothing says “I’m fine” like broadcasting your abandonment issues in adorable hand-drawn font.

This miserable little apparition hovers in eternal bewilderment: sporting eyes that scream “wait, what did I do?”, paired with a limp and defeated mouth that somehow shrugs harder than your last Tinder date. Crowning this masterpiece of self-loathing is the timeless slogan that perfectly encapsulates every group chat you’ve ever been left on read in.

• Instantly communicates your emotional damage without requiring actual conversation
• ~2 inches of weaponized vulnerability so accurate it should come with a support group referral
• Waterproof and scratch-resistant, because abandonment shouldn’t fade
• Guaranteed Conversation Starter or more likely, conversation ender—results may vary
• Premium vinyl that outlasts your friendships and tougher than your avoidance coping mechanisms
• So tragically relatable you’ll laugh… then cry… then buy three more

It’s perfect for anyone whose personality is apparently classified as a biohazard. Slap this on your laptop to warn coworkers you’re not in the mood for small talk, your water bottle to explain why you drink alone, or your phone case so group chats finally make sense.

Warning: May cause strangers to nod in solemn recognition or cross the street. Side effects include sudden introspection and the urge to text “hey” to someone who ghosted you in 2019. Use with extreme self-awareness.