Mercury Is In The Microwave

Oh honey, buckle up—because this sticker is the only acceptable excuse for when your life is spontaneously combusting and everyone’s asking why you’re acting like a glitchy Wi-Fi signal.

This premium vinyl masterpiece depicts the planet Mercury itself getting nuked in a retro microwave, because let’s be real: if astrology Twitter is to be believed, that little chaos goblin is always to blame anyway. Why own your bad decisions when you can just point to this and sigh dramatically?

• Officially endorses blaming a cooked planet for your bad decisions
• Waterproof and scratch-resistant, outlasting civilization itself
• ~2 inches of concentrated cosmic dumbassery
• Guaranteed to make people either laugh hysterically or back away slowly
• Premium vinyl tougher than Mercury’s surface temperature
• So gloriously idiotic you’ll blame it for everything going wrong

Slap this bad boy anywhere you need a daily reminder that the universe is, in fact, personally targeting you. Perfect for dodging accountability, confusing coworkers, or just embracing the cosmic dumpster fire we call existence.

Get yours now. Because clearly, it’s not you—it’s Mercury. Again.