Cupid Can Choke

Fine. Here’s your yearly quota of seasonal saccharine: soft love motifs that are clearly overcompensating, anti-Valentine’s battle cries, the kind of subtle-cheesy innuendos that make you snort-laugh, and the relentless red-and-pink heart spam that’ll linger in your feed like a bad ex until March.

Nostalgic enough for the soulmates-and-sunsets crowd, brutally honest for anyone who knows “couple goals” is just influencer code for future therapy bills, and modern enough for the rest of us who’d rather have the aesthetic than the actual emotional labor.

Because romance doesn’t have to be sincere — it just has to stick (and survive your inevitable February regret).